it ain't time to worry yet

new caramel flavoured baileys!
new mint chocolate flavoured baileys!
alicia throwing up in the LCBO, because flavoured baileys in wrong.

posted by cellardoor @ 6:36 AM 0 comments

this is my pretty pretty roof, with the pretty pretty garden, and also my pretty decorated new toilet!:

posted by cellardoor @ 9:19 AM 0 comments

it'll burn through metal...and, yep, it'll burn your hand, too.

posted by cellardoor @ 9:13 AM 0 comments

listen! i have done the impossible.

i have found, and purchased, a pair of jeans i like. i don't know if i've told you, but jeans shopping is second on my list of ways to make hell worse.

to celebrate: an orgy of pictures of my butt in said new jeans.

just so you all know, taking pictures of your own ass is really hard. but, given that the alternative was sitting on my sofa with ice cream and wine and sobbing through grey's anatomy reruns, i thought it was time well spent.

posted by cellardoor @ 6:54 PM 0 comments

this is what is passing for literary genres at indigo these days....

*snort*

posted by cellardoor @ 6:04 PM 0 comments

this is what we do at my place of employment:



"hey guys. uh, we need the stack of tables that are down in the courtyard...it's raining, so don't wear your uniform shirts...actually, you'd better put on the garbage bags we brought...maybe they're by the bar?...so your bras don't get wet, also...i don't know if they'll fit through the door or onto the elevator...."

"hey....plastic sticks to sweat!"

"eeew....my cleavage"


(i was going to make up a caption to go with this picture, but....the real story is probably funny enough, actually......

posted by cellardoor @ 8:45 AM 0 comments

allbbiiioooonnnnnn

shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behaviour!
















(i don't know who the short guy is)

mmmm...sex

mmm...more sex. sex in a can.

posted by cellardoor @ 3:51 PM 0 comments

this is the box i spent the day in yesterday:




a unique form of phsycological warfare, it drove me to steal bad ginger cookies from the eastern orthodox christians.

batshit crazy insane, i tell you.

posted by cellardoor @ 10:36 AM 0 comments

in london, i chased chalk poetry backwards along sidewalks.



(it says, she's not quite beautiful for lack of want of want. i didn't say it was good poetry).

posted by cellardoor @ 10:31 AM 0 comments

my workplace is frought with hazards.

seriously. a very dangerous place. i take my life in my hands every. day. i go in there.

sigh.

look, i'll show you:

yes yes. i know it all looks very normal and safe.

closer?:

see? the safey is all a clever facade!

look, don't you see it?


right there! between the keyboard and the speaker!

seeeeee?:



i am on the highway to the danger zone, working here.

good thing i'm back in the field, lifting heavy things and avoiding drunkies.

posted by cellardoor @ 5:59 PM 0 comments

these are my rats!

this is splinter (i think)


and this is ralphe (i think)

they are fat bastards!

so they are eating less, because i have actually put a pair of goddamn rats on a diet.

i was also generous enough to buy them this big fuck-off wheel:
they use it to sleep under after meals.

posted by cellardoor @ 9:25 PM 0 comments

alas, grieve: for billy crudup died today. he was a good fish.



i made a video of the ceremonial flushing, but i don't know how to post it. it is interesting, in that it switches from black and white to colour and back again, apparently willy-nilly.

he made a valiant attempt to live. last night, his last night, he made several glorious trips to the top of the bowl, every bit as full of life and vitality as when he was in his prime. each time, just as he made it to the top of the bowl, his strength would betray him, and he'd sink hard and fast to the bottom, to lie motionless on the pretty glass pebbles until his next desperate attempt.

he didn't make it through the night.

billy crudup, his ability to survive adverse conditions, and his status as the demon spawn of satan will be sorely missed.



i bought a new fish.



he is glorious, with beautiful red and blue fins. he, too, is full of energy, refusing to be beaten down by the confines of his cage.

no fish will ever, of course, replace billy crudup in my heart, thought i hope this new fish will flourish here.

he needs a name. i am considering "syrah sicilia", because that is the wine sitting beside my desk, althought "cabernet sauvignon" is a contestant because the french is very pretty.

ideas??

posted by cellardoor @ 6:01 PM 0 comments

you know, yesterday i worked a 13 and a half hour shift in 41 degree weather in the middle of johnson fucking green, with 400 rude drunkards and 'thigh men' and old guys who 'honey'd' me and a particularly annoying auctioneer, and the food sucked, and 'mystery-driving-home-boy' (hagar! he needs a better name!) didn't talk to me and i missed slings and arrows becausei had to work an hour late and i came home slick with barbecue sauce and sweat.

but i got to work under this:

one of the great lakes should be under that. one of the greats and one of their rocky beaches

and i came home to this:

all too familiar script


that, and finally, finally ripping off my soaking wet shirt and riding too fast downhill in the middle of the road under orange streetlights made it all...almost...ok.

of course.

my alarm is going to go off at 5am tomorrow and that will nix it allllll.

posted by cellardoor @ 8:03 PM 0 comments